


baby I'm a fool who thinks it's cool to fall in love

by abbeghoul



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: (more characters added as they come), Canon Asexual Character, Canon Compliant, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining, Practice Kissing, bryn please don't read this i'm begging you, will not be spoiler free
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2020-11-27 08:22:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20945267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abbeghoul/pseuds/abbeghoul
Summary: “Do you think I should go with the plum or grape cravat?” Hamid asked, switching between two almost identical cravats repeatedly, sighing each time.Zolf squinted, trying to find a difference before giving up. “The plum,” he picked at random.“Hmmm….,” Hamid mused. “Are you sure? The grape compliments the waistcoat… But then again the plum does go well with my skin tone.”“If you don’t go with the plum, I’ll die,” Zolf deadpanned.-Zolf hasn't been in a relationship in a while. Hamid decides to help. Zolf gets a little confused.





	1. kiss me now, don't ask me how

**Author's Note:**

> thanks ross for helping me coming up with this idea by bouncing two separate practice kissing AUs off each other forever ago
> 
> thanks also to bri for reading this and for being awesome
> 
> and, as always, thank you to the cowards and clowns that inspire me

“Do you think I should go with the plum or grape cravat?” Hamid asked, switching between two almost identical cravats repeatedly, sighing each time.

Zolf squinted, trying to find a difference before giving up. “The plum,” he picked at random.

“Hmmm….,” Hamid mused. “Are you sure? The grape compliments the waistcoat… But then again the plum does go well with my skin tone.”

“If you don’t go with the plum, I’ll die,” Zolf deadpanned.

Hamid turned, startled, before noticing the quirk of a smile on Zolf’s face. He rolled his eyes. “Very funny,” he chastised, then sighed again. “I just want to look nice. I haven’t gone on a date since- well, since Paris.”

“Really?” Zolf asked, curiously.

“I mean, it’s really only been a couple months, I suppose, and we’ve been so busy, but it feels like forever.” He looked in the mirror and began switching between eyeliner shades. Or, Zolf assumed he was switching based on the way Hamid kept moving his hands to cast, but he couldn’t tell them apart.

“It’ll go fine,” he said. “You look great, and you’re- charming.” He blushed red, but Hamid didn’t turn around to see.

Hamid scoffed. “Thank you for saying so, but lately that hasn’t meant much.” He prestidigitated his lips a rich shade of purple that Zolf couldn’t name (it matched his cravat, but Zolf couldn’t tell you which color that was either). He looked _good_, and Zolf pinched himself on the upper part of his thigh that was still flesh to stop himself from staring too hard.

Hamid moved away from the mirror and came to sit down on the bed, a couple feet away from where Zolf was lounged. “What about you?” he asked.

“What _about_ me?”

“Have you met anyone while I was- well, since Prague?”

Zolf let out a laugh. “Yeah, Hamid, between abandoning my religion and the world basically ending, I actually got married and started a family,” he said sarcastically. Zolf had barely had time to himself in the last 18 months, but when he had, it had been spent thinking about his friends, mourning the loss of Hamid and Sasha, and trying and failing not to blame himself for their deaths. Too many nights spent crying, or trying not to cry while fighting the infected- trying not to let Wilde see his weakness. “A real Romeo.”

Hamid frowned. “Why not?’

“What?”

“You said it yourself- things might be okay. The world keeps on going, and one day we might make it through this. Don’t you want to settle down after all of this?”

If Zolf was honest with himself (he wasn’t), he’d acknowledge the fact that there was really only one person he ever even thought he could settle down with- but, well, Hamid wasn’t interested in men, and even if he was, he wouldn’t be interested in Zolf.

“No,” he says instead. “I mean- even if I was, I doubt anyone would be interested. It’s been years, I’m probably out of practice.”

“Oh!” Hamid brightened. “Well, if it’s practice you need, I can help!”

“_What._”

“I can help you practice,” he repeated, leaning forward earnestly.

“Practice… what?” Zolf asked, his eyebrows scrunched together as he stared at Hamid, who, by Zolf’s assessment, had probably been knocked unconscious one too many times.

“Well, _you know,_ things that come with dating! Kissing and- and stuff,” Hamid bites his lip, less sure in the light of Zolf’s incredulous gaze. _Oh._

“Oh- uh, I don’t really,” Zolf stuttered, his neck flushing. “I don’t _do_ ‘stuff.’ I’m asexual.”

“Oh!” Hamid exclaimed. “I didn’t- I didn’t mean _sex_ stuff, but that’s good to know! I did mostly mean the kissing. We used to do it in school all the time!”

“You used to- Hamid, we’re not _teenagers!_” The flush from Hamid’s accidental innuendo was fading, and Zolf’s confusion was back in full force. “You- do you actually want to practice kissing with me?”

This time Hamid’s skin flushed, but his diplomacy won out over his embarrassment. “You don’t have to, I just think it might be helpful to get you back into the swing of things, you know, romantically. Oh, unless you don’t like kissing either!” His eyes widened. “I didn’t mean to say-“

“No, I- I like kissing,” Zolf interrupted. He couldn’t stop himself from looking Hamid up and down again. Hamid had put a lot of effort into looking nice for his date and, well, it had certainly worked. Zolf had seen Hamid covered in mud and blood and grime, and he’d seen him dressed up to sway crowds to his cause, but _this_ look, Hamid taking the time to be not only pristine but also alluring, with nothing more behind it than the intent to look good and woo his date, this look was- well, it was fucking attractive, and Zolf was only mortal. _Well, okay, this was happing. _“I wouldn’t… mind… practicing.”

Hamid smiled wide. “Really? Okay, great!” He started to lean in, closing his eyes, and Zolf’s heart leaped into his throat.

“What, now?” Zolf pushed out through his chest which had tightened at the sight. Hamid’s eyes opened.

“Did you- want to wait for something?” he asked.

“Uh.” Zolf blinked. “I… guess not?”

“Great!” And Hamid’s lips were against his.

It was… nice. Zolf hadn’t been ready for it, so when Hamid leaned in, their noses bumped awkwardly, but Hamid took it in stride and tilted his head to press his mouth to Zolf’s. Zolf was hit with the realization that Hamid _really_ knew what he was doing.

It wasn’t that he was an amazing kisser, though Zolf certainly had no complaints, but he was sure of himself. Hamid knew that he was good and he was comfortable. Whenever Zolf had pictured what kissing Hamid would be like- which was far more often than he cared to admit- he had imagined it being romantic and passionate, desperate even. He hadn’t thought it would be _enjoyable._

But of course it was. For all the chaos of their lives, Hamid and Zolf enjoyed spending time together when they weren’t being attacked by cultists or medusas or whatever the world had to throw at them on any given day. It made sense.

Before too long, Hamid pulled away, slowly opening his eyes. When he did, they were sparkling, and his smile was wide. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

Zolf blinked, slowly, trying to come back to reality. “W-what?”

Hamid laughed and stood up, then went to the mirror and began reapplying his lipstick. It had smeared during their kiss, and Zolf realized his own lips must be a dark shade of purple as well. “You’re a great kisser. Anyone would be lucky to have you as their partner.” He turned around, probably about to continue talking about Zolf’s prospects, which- _fuck, _Zolf had forgotten that was what this had been about in the first place- but he was interrupted by the sounds of an explosion and loud yelling coming from outside their room.

Hamid’s eyes widened, an expression that Zolf was sure mirrored his own, and together they bolted out the door towards the sound, ready to face whatever disaster had just struck.


	2. even when my heart is beating

“I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t think that’s your color,” Cel said, squinting at Zolf.

“I- what?” Zolf asked, bemused. He looked down at his shirt, which he’d worn countless times in front of Cel. They’d never said something before.

“The purple, I mean,” they said, waving their index finger around their mouth and-  _ oh, shit. _

Zolf’s hand flew up to cover his mouth, but Azu had already turned to see what they had been talking about and caught a glimpse of the purple lipstick-  _ Hamid’s _ purple lipstick- smeared on his lips. He had almost forgotten in the chaos of the explosion- one of Cel’s experiments gone wrong that had caused a loud noise but surprising limited damage.

Azu gasped. “ _ Is that- _ “

“No,” Zolf said quickly, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “It’s- nothing. I’m gonna go cook dinner.”

Hamid walked through the door as Zolf was heading towards it to leave. He’d gone outside to assuage the small crowd that had gathered that everything was alright, and no, they really didn’t need to call the law enforcement. Hamid must have seen something in Zolf’s expression because he took one look at his face and asked, “Is everyone okay?”

“Everyone’s fine, I’m going to make dinner, see you later,” Zolf said quickly, not even stopping as he said it, brushing up against Hamid as he made his way through the door, away from the curious gaze of Azu piercing into his back. The contact with Hamid set his arm on fire where they touched and he felt his face burning as he walked away.

As he did so, he heard Azu start to ask Hamid something but he tucked his chin down and kept moving, trying to ignore what she was saying.

He wasn’t entirely sure why he was freaking out. Yeah, he and Hamid had kissed, and Azu had obviously been clued in to that fact, but… well, they were  _ adults _ , they could kiss if they wanted to, and it had just been  _ practice,  _ there was nothing to freak out about.

But maybe that was it. Maybe it’s because the kiss meant nothing to Hamid, when it so obviously meant the world to Zolf- something he’d probably just revealed to Azu by acting so weird about it.

Gods, he hoped she didn’t say anything to Hamid.

He made it to the kitchen and grabbed the box of potatoes and a knife and began to peel them harshly, taking much more of the potato off with the skin than he normally would under calmer circumstances.

“Zolf?”

“ _ Fuck! _ ” Zolf yelled as the knife dug into his thumb and left a long streak of red where blood was flowing from the cut. He dropped the knife and reached for a rag to wrap around his thumb and stop the blood from getting on the potatoes.

“Oh, no, I’m sorry!” Hamid yelped, rushing to his side and grabbing his hand to help wrap the rag around his thumb. “I didn’t mean- I thought I was loud enough coming in-“

“No, it’s okay,” Zolf reassured him quickly. “I was just- lost in thought, I guess.”

“I’m sorry, can you- can you heal yourself? Or I can get Azu?” Hamid was biting his lip now, a nervous habit Hamid did so much Zolf was surprised he hadn’t bitten his lip off yet.

It was a habit, Zolf noted regretfully, that drew one’s eyes to Hamid’s lips, and Zolf felt his neck get hot.

“No,” he said, pulling his hand away and unwrapping the towel. “No need to waste a spell. Besides,” he brandished his hand, “The bleeding’s already stopped.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I am.” Zolf threw the towel on the counter. “Did you need something?”

“Oh, I just- I just came to see if you were alright?” Hamid asked. “You ran away earlier, and I wanted to make sure- well, that we were okay. I didn’t overstep earlier, did I?”

“ _ No, _ ” Zolf insisted. “No, it wasn’t- earlier was fine- good, even. But-“ He cut himself off, unsure how to reassure Hamid without revealing that the problem was that Zolf couldn’t keep his crush intact. “Azu might have noticed that- well, your lipstick might have rubbed off on me, and I just didn’t feel like answering any questions, that’s all.”

Hamid’s eyes widened in understanding and his gaze fell to Zolf’s lips and back. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to leave lipstick all over you. And- well, purple  _ definitely  _ isn’t your color.”

“Thank you,” Zolf said sarcastically.

“Really, you should stick with neutrals, at least on your face. You could always do with more color in your wardrobe.”

Zolf looked down at his clothes, more than a little offended. “ _ Hey- _ “

“But, really, I’m sorry if it made things weird with Azu. She won’t say anything, or- or be awkward,” Hamid reassured him, placing a hand on his arm.

Zolf cleared his throat, not really sure that Azu  _ wouldn’t _ try to talk about it, especially since she’d seen him panicking over it, but wanting to move past this part of the conversation more than anything. “It’s fine, I just-“

“Hey,” Hamid said, squeezing his arm where his hand hadn’t dropped. “We don’t have to tell anyone, if you want. Let Azu make assumptions. But- well, you know you have nothing to be embarrassed about, right?”

“What?”

“Well, I just mean- the practicing thing. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. And you’re a great kisser, Zolf,” Hamid’s eyes bared into his and Zolf squirmed, hardly able to maintain the contact, feeling like Hamid could see into his soul and see how strongly Zolf felt. “This practice- well, really, it’ll just be to get you comfortable again. You don’t really  _ need _ it.”

Zolf  _ definitely _ broke the eye contact as Hamid said that. “Thanks,” he said shortly, turning back to the potatoes as he tried to breathe.  _ Gods, _ Hamid was going to  _ kill _ him. He couldn’t just stand in front of Zolf, looking like  _ that, _ and tell Zolf he was a good kisser.

Which, speaking of, there was a  _ reason _ Hamid had gotten dressed up tonight.

“Aren’t you going to be late for your date?”

“Oh, no, I cancelled it. I figured I had better things to do with my time,” he said. “Cleaning up Cel’s explosion, and all. Besides,” he said, coming up to Zolf’s side and wrapping an arm around his waist. “I wouldn’t want to miss your cooking.” He gave Zolf a quick kiss on the cheek and pulled away and Zolf choked on his own saliva and fell into a coughing fit.

“Huh,” Hamid said, looking at him with a small smile as he finished coughing, tears in his eyes. “Okay, so, you’re a great kisser, Zolf, but clearly we need to work on casual affection.” He walked to Zolf’s other side and put a hand on his shoulder, sliding it down his arm as he moved across the counter. “Good to know.”

_ Fuck, _ if Zolf made it out of this alive, it would be the most impressive thing he’d ever done.


	3. my heart would benefit from a little tenderness

Here’s the thing: Zolf wasn’t an idiot, no matter what some of Hamid’s posh associates would have said given one look at him. Zolf was incredibly adept at battle strategy, and he could navigate the sea better than almost anyone. So, Zolf knew that Hamid wasn’t serious when he held Zolf’s hand, or kissed him, or  _ complimented his eyes, holy fuck. _ He knew that Hamid liked to talk, and he used his words to get what he wanted- and he was good at it. So Zolf knew that if Hamid wanted this relationship to be real, he would have  _ said so _ \- that he wouldn’t start a real relationship  _ without _ a conversation like that.

But, gods, if Zolf didn’t have to tell himself that every single time Hamid looked at him and his heart fluttered.

It didn’t help that Hamid’s attention and affection was constant. He’d taken to touching Zolf constantly when they were together, only really separating when absolutely necessary. Hamid held Zolf’s hand, played with his hair, leaned into him when they were next to each other, and, on one memorable occasion, he’d kissed the palm of his hand and Zolf had almost fainted.

_ Fainted. _ Like a maiden from one of Harrison Campbell’s novels.

(Look, even Zolf could admit that trope would be much more embarrassing than romantic in real life.)

Zolf was currently in the middle of trying not to faint once again as he walked hand-in-hand with Hamid through the local market. Hamid was holding a chocolate ice cream cone that he kept reaching up and offering licks of to Zolf. Even worse, at one point he’d just bumped the cone into Zolf’s face and instead of letting Zolf wiping it off with his sleeve, he’d stood on his toes and  _ licked it off. _

Zolf wasn’t entirely sure Hamid hadn’t been infected and wasn't trying to kill him. It would definitely be working, if that was the case.

In the middle of the market, midway through a story about an old prank the twins had pulled on Saira that had Zolf laughing and Hamid’s eyes lit up with fondness, Hamid suddenly stopped in his tracks and his face dropped. Zolf stopped, pulled by Hamid’s grip on his hand, which had tightened in a way that would almost be painful if Hamid had been stronger.

Hamid was staring at the blacksmith’s stall, eyes fixed on a crystal blue dagger, his lip quivering.

“Hamid?” Zolf asked gently. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Hamid said, swallowing. “It’s just- Sasha used to have a dagger like that.”

_ Oh. _ Zolf felt a twisting in his stomach, a mixture of nausea and guilt and pain and regret that always came with he thought about Sasha.

“I don’t remember her having anything like that.”

Hamid smiled sadly. “No, she got it in Newton’s study, a little bit after-“ Hamid paused, blinked to steel himself, and continued, “After we defeated Kafka.”

_ After Bertie and Hamid’s sister had died, _ Zolf filled in what Hamid couldn’t say.

Zolf started walking to the stall, pulling Hamid with him. There was a gruff-looking dwarven woman behind the table, sketching in a notebook, and not paying any mind to them.

“’Scuse me,” Zolf said. The woman looked up and raised an eyebrow but didn’t’ move from her spot. “What’s that dagger made of, ice and silver?”

“Aye.”

“You got anything made out of the same material? Rings or a charm?” Zolf could feel Hamid’s eyes on him.

“An ice ring? What for?” The blacksmith had turned her whole face towards him now, skeptical.

“For wearing,” he said irritably. “Ideally- well, ideally three.”

The blacksmith scrutinized him. “What kinda magic you want? Ice resistance?”

“None, just the rings,” he said quickly.

She considered them for a minute. “I ain’t got anything like that, but I could make it, I s’pose.”

“How much?” Zolf asked.

“2000 a piece.” Zolf’s stomach dropped. He didn’t  _ have _ 6000 gold to spend on rings, no matter how much he wanted them. Maybe he could just get one, for Hamid, and get the second for Azu later-

“Done,” Hamid said, next to him. Zolf’s eyes went wide. “When can they be ready?”

“Hamid-“

Hamid turned to him. “it’s fine, Zolf,” he said, a small smile on his face. “It’s a great idea. And I’d- I’d love something to remember her by.”

Zolf nodded. “Okay.”

“No magic effects?” The woman asked. They both shook their heads. “End of the week, probably.”

“We’ll be here Saturday, then, to pick them up. Do you need us to pay in advance?”

“Half now, half later.”

“Okay,” Hamid said. “We’ll go grab the gold from our room, then, and we’ll be back in an hour or so to pay you. Thank you.”

The blacksmith said nothing, and returned to her sketches, and Hamid took that as a sign to leave, walking as quick as he could down the street, pulling Zolf with him around a corner and pushing him up against the stone wall of a building. Zolf had only a fraction of a second to be confused before Hamid’s mouth was against his, hard and frantic.

He didn’t hesitate before responding by leaning down and cupping Hamid’s face, feeling the wetness from the rain coat his hands, except- wait.

It hadn’t been raining, and only his hands were wet.

He pulled back and looked at Hamid’s red-rimmed eyes, swiping his thumb across his cheek. “Oh, Hamid,” is all he got out before Hamid burst into sobs, falling into Zolf’s chest to be immediately tightly wrapped in Zolf’s arms. “I know.”

“It’s not fair,” Hamid cried. “She- she was trying so hard to- to escape Barrett, and she was doing so  _ well,  _ Zolf. You should have seen her stand up to him. She deserved to be happy, and it was all taken from her, because of a stupid-“

“Hey,” Zolf soothed, rubbing Hamid’s back. “I know it’s not fair. I miss her too. I miss her every fucking day, and I wish she was here judging us for getting emotional about it in public.” He chuckled. “I don’t know what happened to her, but maybe- maybe she got a happy life, wherever she is. Maybe she’s living in a dark palace with lots of crannies and a full buffet in every room.”

Hamid laughed, though it sounded choked, almost like he was drowning in his tears. “She’d like that.”

“She really would.”

“I’m sorry,” Hamid said. “Can I- can I just stay here for a minute?”

Zolf’s arms tightened around him and he pressed a kiss to the top of Hamid’s head. “Take your time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one got a little sad. Sorry. If it helps, I also don't want to be writing what I'm writing.


	4. if I gave a thought to fascination I would know it wasn't right to care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for editing this Bri!!

“Zolf?” Hamid called from the other room. Zolf closed his exceptionally well-worn copy of _ When Passions Collide _ and walked over to Hamid’s bedroom.

“Yeah?” He said, turning the corner. His breath caught in his throat when he saw Hamid standing in front of his mirror. He was dressed to the nines, pursing his lips in the mirror and switching between different shades of lipstick. He looked _ good _ , but he always did. What took Zolf’s breath away was the sense of déjà vu that reminded him of that night a couple months ago when he’d been watching Hamid do the same thing and it had started their relationship- _ practice _ relationship. Zolf smiled softly. “You- you look great.”

Hamid turned and grinned at him. “You think so?”

“Yeah, but- you always look great.”

Hamid _ preened. _ “Well, thank you. I wanted to ask your opinion on my suit. Do you like this one,” Hamid said, gesturing to the dark green suit he had on, before removing his sleeves of many garments, and then replacing them, summoning a similar suit but with gold lapels. “Or this one?”

“Um,” Zolf said. “That one?” Hamid nodded and turned back to the mirror. “Are you… going somewhere?”

“Yeah,” Hamid said, nonchalantly. “I have a date. We’re going to that restaurant on the beach- The Sapphire?”

Zolf felt like he’d been punched in the gut and it had gone straight through his spine. “_ Oh. _”

Hamid had a _ date. _

Zolf had known, somewhere, that Hamid would date again eventually, but- well, no matter how much he’d told himself not to get used to being the sole receiver of Hamid’s affection, the constant hand-holding and kisses had worn down all of Zolf’s will and logic and made him hope.

In retrospect, it was the most foolish thing he’d ever done.

And really, that was saying something.

Hamid continued to adjust his makeup in the mirror, ignorant of Zolf behind him. “It’s supposed to be amazing. I heard they’ve got white pearl caviar, which I haven’t had in _ ages _-“

Hamid continued to ramble about the food he was looking forward to eating, most of which Zolf had never even heard of, while Zolf fought not to fall to the floor in tears. (It was a bit dramatic, but he’d _ just _ been reading Campbell.)

After a couple minutes, Zolf cleared his throat, interrupting Hamid. “Well, uh-“ he said, gruffly. “I should check on dinner, but-“ He swallowed. “Have fun on your date.” He hated his way his voice cracked on the last word, but he was powerless to stop it.

“Thanks,” Hamid said, finally turning around to meet Zolf’s eyes. “I’ll see you when I get back.” He leaned over to kiss Zolf, but Zolf ducked out of the way. “What-“

“Um,” Zolf cleared his throat again, feeling his neck turn hot. “We- we probably shouldn’t, if you- you’ve got a date. It’s not fair to her, you know?”

Hamid’s eyebrows scrunched together. “I- I suppose, but it’s just one date, Zolf, it’s not like we’re exclusive, or getting married, or something.”

Zolf looked down at the floor. He couldn’t kiss Hamid, knowing that in an hour, Hamid would be on a date with someone else. “Still, you never know. It could go well, and besides-“ Zolf took a deep breath. “I, uh… I don’t think I need the practice anymore.”

“Oh!” Hamid was surprised. “I mean… you have been getting more… _ comfortable _ with affection. And you never really needed to practice anything else, anyways,” he said.

“Yeah, so, I just think it’s- it’d be good if we, you know, stopped,” Zolf stammered. “I mean, I really appreciate the help, but I should- um, move on from practicing at some point, right?”

“_ Oh! _ Why didn’t you tell me there was someone you liked?” There was something strange in Hamid’s voice that Zolf didn’t recognize, but he elected to ignore it for the moment.

“Well, it’s not- I mean, it’s just- there could be one day, you know?” There wouldn’t be. There was no one for Zolf but Hamid, and Zolf knew it now more than ever. The only thing “practicing” had ever done was drag him further in love. Apparently, it had all meant nothing to Hamid.

“Yeah, yeah, that makes sense,” Hamid said. “Well, then…”

“Yeah,” Zolf said awkwardly. “Thanks… for your help.”

“You’re welcome.” That unrecognizable _ something _ was in Hamid’s voice again, but Zolf turned away and forced himself not to sprint to his room, but instead walk to the kitchens, as he could feel Hamid’s gaze on his back.

_ Fuck. _

* * *

Zolf wasn’t sure what was worse: knowing that Hamid was dating again, or knowing that all of the affection Zolf had given to and received from him was never going to happen again.

It was hard, stopping himself. Zolf hadn’t realized how _ used _ to their relationship he had gotten. Whenever Hamid was nearby, Zolf had to stop himself from reaching out and grabbing his hand, or leaning into him, or kissing him. It was torture, and his body wasn’t helping at all. Apparently, it was muscle memory, at that point, to touch Hamid all the time. It was killing him.

Even worse, Hamid didn’t seem to be affected at all. He’d only gone out with the woman from that night once, but there had been other dates in the weeks since.

Zolf had known going into it that it was a bad idea, and he was paying the price for not listening to reason.

The worst moment, Zolf thought, was the night Hamid came back from a date grinning, and said that he’d scheduled another date for the next night. Zolf had barely been getting through the series of first and only dates, but hearing that Hamid liked someone enough to go out with them twice was overwhelming.

He quickly excused himself, and moved down the hall to the kitchen, hoping cooking would distract him, or at least let him hack at something violently.

When Zolf got to the kitchen, he closed the door behind him, and leaned against it, letting the tears he’d been holding back finally fall without restraint. His body was shaking, and he put a hand over his mouth to stifle his sobs.

“Zolf?” a voice called from further in the kitchen. Fuck, Cel was there, witnessing him crying. “You alright?”

Zolf looked up at them, blurry through his tears, and let out a hiccup that turned into a full-on sob that dropped him to the floor. Cel dropped the sandwich they were eating and ran over. “It’s okay, buddy. What’s wrong?”

Zolf shook his head, unable to speak through the tears, but leaned into Cel’s hug when they knelt beside him and wrapped their arms around him. “It’ll be alright, buddy. Let it out.”


	5. I think I should have seen it coming from a mile away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #hotzolfrights

Hamid was bored.

He never thought he’d say that, surrounded by the luxury of one of the best restaurants on the continent, drinking the best wine in the world, and sitting across from an attractive woman, but it was true.

It wasn’t just the date, either. He’d been bored for almost two months. No amount of shopping, dating, dining, or sightseeing was as interesting as it used to be. He didn’t know what it was, really, but he was starting to get restless.

Maybe it was the fact that for the first time in what felt like forever, he’d been staying in the same place for longer than a few weeks. Maybe he missed the adventuring.

That’s another thing he never thought he’d say: that he missed _adventuring._ Being part of a mercenary group was deadly, and he lost more than he gained from it, but ever since they’d defeated the infection, gotten _quite_ a handsome sum from the meritocrats, and decided to take a break, Hamid and his friends hadn’t had the daily thrill of battle.

So, maybe he’d gotten addicted to the adrenaline. That was fine, he could find other ways of seeking thrill if he needed to. He wouldn’t go back to gambling again, no matter how much his fingers itched for it.

Maybe he could take up cliff diving.

He still wasn’t sure that was everything, though. They’d been on their break for a while, and only in the last couple months had he been feeling this way. Maybe it was the fact that his friends kept pulling away from him.

Azu was, he supposed, as constant as ever, and he was grateful for it. But Zolf and Cel were taking their break from mercenary work- from their _group_\- pretty seriously.

Or, at least, they were _now._ Hamid never saw Cel, and if he did, they were whispering with Zolf in a corner.

And _Zolf_, well, he’d been… not _distant, _exactly. Hamid supposed he was doing what Hamid had been helping him practice doing because he left the house where they were staying every day in the morning, and didn’t come back until after dinner. Hamid didn’t know what he could possibly be leaving every day for. They had been paid quite handsomely for finding the simulacrum and stopping the infection, and they were all far from needing money, so he probably hadn’t gotten a job, and he hadn’t returned to the cult of Poseidon, so the only explanation Hamid could come up with would be that Zolf had found someone.

Which was great, of course. Hamid was happy for Zolf, he just wished Zolf hadn’t turned out to be one of those friends who disappeared when they were in a relationship. Or, at least, that he would let Hamid _meet_ them.

Hamid _missed_ Zolf. He missed getting to spend time together. And, granted, it made sense that Zolf was spending less time with Hamid now that he had moved on from practicing to a real relationship, but that didn’t mean Hamid didn’t wish things were different.

Hamid sighed without thinking, then blinked when the woman across from him glared haughtily. _Oops._ He’d let his mind wander and forgotten he was on a date. His sigh would certainly have been taken as one of disinterest, which Hamid supposed wasn’t entirely untrue.

Still, Hamid Saleh Haroun al-Tahan was nothing if not polite, so he smiled apologetically, leaned forward, and engaged in the conversation, accepting that there probably wouldn’t be a second date.

After he’d escorted her to a taxi (she’d refused his offer to walk her home), he returned to the house, barely noticing the city as he walked, too lost in his own mind. When he reached the house, he went immediately to the kitchen to see if there was any food. The downside of dates, he’d found, was that he could never eat as much as he’d like. No matter how incredible the food was, he couldn’t stuff his face. It made him miss Sasha with a deep aching pain, knowing she would have ignored any decorum and eaten to her heart’s desire. Hamid twirled the ice ring around his thumb as he walked into the kitchen.

He was drawn out of reflection, however, when he saw Cel and Zolf chatting as Zolf cleaned the dishes. Cel was sitting on the counter, legs crossed, gesticulating wildly, and Zolf was smiling up at them, amused and open in a way Hamid had never seen directed at him before. His breath left his chest as he watched Zolf, enraptured and unable to look away. Zolf was _beautiful_ like this. Hamid knew Zolf was attractive, of course, in a sort of rugged way, but seeing him smiling and unguarded made him realize just how striking he was.

Hamid had been standing there watching silently for a couple minutes when Cel jumped off the counter. Not wanting to get caught staring, he cast invisibility on instinct and began to turn around when he saw Cel lean down and kiss Zolf’s forehead, and Hamid lost his breath again for a completely different reason.

Hamid thought back a couple months, back before he and Zolf had stopped _whatever_ you wanted to call their relationship. Hamid had cast _Fly_ on himself to practice an aerial maneuver, and before it had worn off, Zolf had walked in, and Hamid flew down to meet him, enjoying being the taller one for once. He’d leaned down to kiss Zolf’s forehead, and Zolf had been flustered, and turned to leave immediately. He’d had no such reaction to Cel.

Oh.

So that was who Zolf had started seeing.

He hadn’t realized, but he supposed it made sense. Zolf and Cel had been spending a lot of time together lately, and Zolf had certainly never looked at _him_ like that. And if Zolf was comfortable enough with Cel not to run whenever they were affectionate, then-

Well, like Hamid said, that was great, and he really _was_ happy for Zolf, but he couldn’t shake a twist in his stomach, one he wasn’t blind enough not to recognize as jealousy.

_Oh._

That.

Well.

That made sense, actually. Hamid had assumed that his feelings for Zolf were platonic with an added awareness of his attractiveness, but if Hamid was _jealous_ of Zolf giving romantic attention to someone other than him, Hamid was in love with Zolf, and something about thinking those words felt _right._ He knew them to be true, and he didn’t need to question him. The second they crossed his mind, he knew they were accurate.

It explained why none of the dates he’d been on since he’d first kissed Zolf had felt real, and why he’d been bored out of his mind the last few months, when Zolf wasn’t around, when he hadn’t been able to hold his hand or kiss him.

Hamid also realized, with a sad pang, that it didn’t _matter_ that he loved Zolf. Not really, not when Zolf didn’t love him, not when Zolf had someone else. And Hamid didn’t begrudge him his happiness, even if it wasn’t with Hamid, but that didn’t mean that Hamid didn’t feel like curling up into a ball and crying for the rest of his life.

A little melodramatic, maybe, but he felt like he deserved it.

He felt the invisibility beginning to wear off, and rather than being caught appearing out of nowhere, he turned and ran upstairs. Rather than running to his door, however, he ran to Azu’s, and knocked rather calmly for his current emotional state. Azu opened the door, at first smiling at him, then dropping to a concerned frown when she saw his face.

“Hamid?” Hamid burst into sobs and rant into her arms as they opened and enveloped him in a hug. “Oh, Hamid, it’s all right,” she soothed. “Come inside and sit down.”

She closed the door behind them and they sat down on her bed. Hamid sniffled, trying not to cry anymore. “Did something happen?”

“I-“ he hiccupped. “I’m in love with Zolf, and-“ he hiccupped again. “I’m sorry, I just- I wanted to be with a friend right now.”

Azu smiled. “_Hamid_, this is wonderful. I know the two of you have been together for a while, isn’t being in love a great thing for you?”

“We- we haven’t been together,” Hamid sighed, leaning into her for comfort. “We- for a while, we were- well,” he said awkwardly. “I’m not actually sure how to put it. I was… helping him practice kissing?”

“Practice kissing?” Azu parroted, surprise.

“And hand-holding, and other things that- that a couple would do,” Hamid said. “I- well, I thought it would help him get comfortable enough to go on dates and find someone.”

Azu’s eyebrows were knotted. “Hamid, I don’t see why-“

“_And then_, he decided a couple months ago that he’d had enough practice and could do it on his own, which I _thought_ was great, and at the time I was proud of him, but we’ve barely spoken since, and I miss him so much,” Hamid rambled, starting to cry again. “And- and then I saw him with Cel tonight, and I realized I’m in love with him, but it’s too late.”

“Why is it too late?” Azu asked. “Hamid, if you love him, you should tell him. Love should never be hidden.”

He sighed. “He’s in a relationship now, and even if I _was_ the type of person who tried to steal people from their partners, which I’m _not,_ Zolf isn’t the type to- well, I just can’t.”

“Who is this person Zolf’s dating?” Azu asked. “I’ve never met them, and he’s never said anything to me about it.”  
  
“_Oh, no_,” Hamid bemoaned. “They didn’t tell me either, I just saw them. Maybe they wanted it to be a secret.”

Azu leaned in. Hamid could tell she was worried about him, but she also loved to gossip, and a secret relationship was _exactly_ the kind of thing she loved. “He’s with Cel.”  
  
“_Cel_?” Azu asked incredulously.

“Yes.”  
  
“Hamid, _I’m_ dating Cel,” she said, looking at him matter-of-factly. 

_“What?_” Hamid shrieked. “_Why didn’t you tell me?_”

“We just started dating last week, and I wanted to get further along in the relationship before telling anyone,” she explained.

“But- they and Zolf-“

“Hamid,” Azu said calmly, “What exactly did you see them doing?”

“Well, they-“ Hamid started, then stopped, realizing that he didn’t exactly have a detailed explanation of why they had to be together, except- “Zolf was smiling.” Azu blinked at him, waiting for him to go on, so he did. “And Cel kissed his forehead.”

Azu didn’t say anything, waiting for him to elaborate, and when he didn’t, she asked, “That’s it?” He nodded. “Hamid, Cel kisses _everyone’s _forehead. They kissed your forehead a few days ago!”

That was true, he supposed. “But Zolf-“

“Was with a friend and having a good time,” Azu said gently. “They’re not _together_, Hamid. And that means-“

“That means I should tell him,” Hamid said, a wave of relief and resolution washing over him. “I need to tell him.”


	6. I felt you gave your heart

The thing about ending his non-relationship with Hamid, Zolf thought, was that it meant Zolf had no idea how to be around him anymore.

He couldn’t bear to sit next to Hamid and not hold his hand, or lean into his side, or stare at the way no matter how much magic Hamid used, a single strand of his hair liked to stick up.

And he _certainly_ couldn’t bear to hear him talk about his dates.

Being around Hamid after the end of their relationship meant that Zolf spent a lot of time going to do these things then realizing he would never be able to do them again and trying as hard as he could to stop himself from crying or lashing out at Hamid.

So, Zolf didn’t spend a lot of time with Hamid anymore.

Instead, he spent his time hanging out with Cel and missing Hamid, though Zolf had to admit the sheer chaos of being Cel’s friend was enough of a distraction that he managed to forget his heartache in favor of panic and a rush to put out whatever fire- metaphorical or otherwise- they had started.

It was hard to think about your cliché, unrequited love when your friend had accidentally grown a third head.

(The second had been intentional.)

The other thing about ending his non-relationship with Hamid and, as a result, spending less time with him, was that he just _missed_ him.

More than kissing him or holding him, Zolf missed seeing Hamid laugh, or the soft, satisfied smile on his face after he ate something particularly delicious, or the way he turned his nose up in disdain when someone they passed on the street had made a particularly bad fashion choice.

The more time he spent around Hamid, however, the more his stomach twisted and his professional opinion as a cleric was that that amount of pain was not healthy. It had taken a while, but Zolf had built a habit out of avoiding him and eventually Hamid had stopped pushing.

Which is why it came as a surprise to find Hamid on the other side of his door late one night, having expected to see Azu or someone else miraculously polite enough to knock, though not polite enough to wait until it wasn’t two in the morning.

Hamid was still dressed for the day, in one of his three piece suits that Zolf had always found impractical and ridiculous, but was still unfairly flattering. Hamid was wringing his hands and biting his lip, a habit Zolf had come to recognize and resent for the way it drew his eyes towards Hamid’s mouth. As if he needed help with that.

“Hamid? Is everything okay?”

Hamid looked up at him, lip still caught between his teeth, before something in his expression shifted and he smiled softly. “Yeah, everything’s great. Could I come in?”

“Of course,” Zolf blinked in surprise then stepped back to let Hamid through the door. Once Hamid was inside the room, he closed the door and Hamid turned to face him, the smile still gracing his lips.

“Thank you, Zolf. I was hoping we could talk about- well,” Hamid paused, then stood up straighter as if he was bracing himself. “I’ve been thinking, and I just thought you should know, um-“ He looked up at Zolf. “I have feelings for you.”

Whatever Zolf had been expecting Hamid to say, it hadn’t been that. He felt like he’d been sucker punched in the stomach. “W-_what_?” he gasped.

“I have feelings for you,” Hamid repeated, firmly, unwavering. “I know that you might not feel the same way-“ The idea was, quite frankly, laughable, but Zolf was too shocked to react. “But I’ve never been very good at hiding how I’m feeling, and I think it’s important to- to let people _know_ that you love them-“ Hamid stammered and blushed, and Zolf realized- _love._ Hamid _loved_ him?

He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak, couldn’t do anything but stare at Hamid, his mouth slightly gaping. He counted himself lucky that he didn’t pass out.

Hamid cleared his throat. “Like I said, I don’t, um, I don’t expect you to feel the same, but I wanted you to know, and I- I also wanted to ask if you would like to get dinner with me.”

“Dinner?” Zolf managed to get out.

“A date,” Hamid emphasized. “If that wasn’t clear.” He looked at Zolf hopefully.

It had been clear. Hamid had been _very _clear, but Zolf was still having trouble believing it. It was everything Zolf had wanted to hear, and Hamid couldn’t be more straightforward, but everything in Zolf was screaming that it was impossible, that it must be some misunderstanding. _Zolf_ was the one pining after Hamid, not the other way around.

Yet here Hamid stood, earnest and vulnerable, and for all Zolf worried that this was a dream or a misunderstanding or some trick of the universe, no version of him, awake or asleep, could ever turn Hamid down.

“Uh, s-sure?” Zolf stuttered, kicking himself. Gods forbid he sound competent when the man he was in love with was asking him out.

Hamid beamed and it brightened his face in a way Zolf realized he hadn’t seen in a while. “Great! Tomorrow night?”

“Sure.” Zolf blinked, surprised by Hamid’s eagerness. “Uh, where?”

“What about the Drunken Bear? It’s a few blocks away. We could walk there around eight?” Hamid suggested.

  
Zolf had never heard of it, but he would have agreed to go anywhere Hamid asked. “Alright.”

Hamid smiled at him again. “Okay. See you tomorrow, Zolf. Goodnight!”

Hamid was already turning and walking down the corridor by the time Zolf could make himself say, “Goodnight.”

He stared after Hamid until he reached his room and didn’t stop staring at the empty hallway for minutes, frozen in disbelief. Eventually, Zolf gathered himself enough to close the door and move to sit on his bed.

There was no way he’d be able to get to sleep now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up splitting this chapter for reasons. Boy, I sure wish people were chill.


	7. it's cool to fall in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two updates in one day? more likely than you think (this will never happen again)

Zolf hadn’t known what to expect from the Drunken Bear, but if he’d had to guess, he would have said something upscale and suited to Hamid’s upper class tastes. Instead, he was pleasantly surprised to find that it was an ordinary tavern. A bit too classy for Zolf’s normal standards, and he would usually complain about beer priced that high, but Hamid was paying, and Zolf was just grateful he didn’t look out of place without a suit.

That didn’t stop Hamid, though, who had somehow managed to dress nicer than he usually did. He was in his usual three-piece suit, but he had swapped his normal makeup for a bronze lip color that kept glinting in the candlelight of the tavern and drawing Zolf’s eyes.

It might, Zolf thought, have been intentional. Every time Hamid caught him staring, his lips quirked up and Zolf had to avert his eyes quickly.

He’d forgotten how good Hamid was at being intentionally enticing.

Not, he supposed, that he _needed_ to avert his gaze. Hamid had asked _him_ out. Zolf was still having trouble believing it.

Hamid, though, was doing everything to make it clear that he had meant it. When they’d met for dinner at the front of the house, Hamid had complimented the way Zolf looked, though Zolf knew that must have been hard. He’d worn his nicest shirt, sure, but that wasn’t saying much. When they’d started walking towards the tavern, Hamid had grabbed Zolf’s hand and leaned into his side, like he had the day they’d gotten ice cream and walked through the market. Zolf had been overwhelmed then, when he had known it was to practice public affection, but now that he knew Hamid was doing it because he _wanted_ to, it was enough to make him- well, _swoon._

It was pathetic, frankly, but Zolf couldn’t bring himself to care. Not walking with Hamid’s hand warm in his against the chill of the air, and not sitting across from Hamid at a table when Hamid kept looking at him with such fondness that it made Zolf lose his breath.

Definitely not when Hamid was laughing freely as Zolf recounted the story of Cel accidentally dying their skin purple with a potion that was supposed to keep them awake longer. Hamid’s laughter made him tilt back and the light danced across his face. He was _enchanting_.

Zolf was so caught up in staring at Hamid that he didn’t notice when the someone came over to take their order.

“Zolf?” Hamid prodded. Zolf snapped out of it and turned red.

“Uh, sorry-“ He ordered the first thing that came to mind, then stared at the table, willing his blush to go away. Hamid put in his order, then reached across the table and put a hand on top of one of Zolf’s.

“Hey,” Hamid said, trying to get his attention. Zolf looked up at him, still red. “I- I’m really glad you said yes.”

Zolf blinked. “Of course I said yes.” There had been no question in Zolf’s mind, no other option. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Well,” Hamid faltered. “I mean, you know how I feel about you, and I- I know that you’ve been looking for- for a relationship-“

Zolf’s eyebrows scrunched together. He _had?_ Hamid was the one who had been looking- all those dates he’d been on. Zolf hadn’t been on a single one, and yet _Zolf_ was the one looking for a relationship somewhere else?

“Hamid-“ Zolf interrupted, but Hamid continued.

“And I- I appreciate you giving me a chance, Zolf, really.”

“_What-_“

“And I know that maybe you don’t feel the way that I do yet, but that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t give it a shot. We’re clearly compatible, or at least- I don’t think either of us were miserable when we were- _practicing_,” Hamid said. He took a moment to look up at Zolf but Zolf was too caught up on “maybe you don’t feel the way that I do” to do anything other than shake his head _no_, he hadn’t been miserable, or at least not for the reason that Hamid was thinking.

Hamid smiled. “And- and not all relationships _start_ with mutual love. I think attraction and- and trust and the _potential_ for more are a good enough start. As- as long as you wouldn’t be unhappy.”

“_Unhappy?_” Zolf interjected. He couldn’t imagine being _unhappy_ in a relationship with Hamid at all. “Hamid, I’ve been in love with you for almost two years. Do you really think being with you could ever make me _unhappy?_”

Hamid stared at him slack-jawed and Zolf waited for him to respond before he realized _oh. Oh, shit. _

He had not meant to say that.

He felt heat rush to his face and he cleared his throat. “I-I mean-“

“You’re in love with me?” Hamid’s voice was small and shy, but the way he looked at Zolf with _hope_ in his eyes-

Zolf couldn’t deny it. “You didn’t know?”  
  


“No,” Hamid said slowly. “I mean- I knew you were… attracted to me, and that we- we worked together, and I knew you weren’t _opposed _to the idea of dating me, or at least I hoped, but-“

“I thought it was obvious.” Zolf shrugged. “I was doing a really bad job of hiding it.”

“But you-“ Hamid pursed his lips. “You said- you were practicing getting good at affection to be in a relationship.”

“That was _your_ idea,” Zolf reminded him. “And I only said yes because- well, you’re really hard to say no to, especially when you’re offering to kiss me.” Hamid blushed. “I- I wasn’t kidding, Hamid, it’s been- a _while_ for me. Since- since Paris.”

“_Oh._” The slight jittering in Hamid that had been present all night seemed to settle, and his lips quirked up in a smirk. “That long, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“So-“

“_So,_” Zolf said, “If- if _you_ want to be in a relationship with me, if you want to ‘try it out,’ that’s fine, but- just know, it’s- it’s not a trial run for me. I- I’ve wanted to be with you for a while, Hamid, and I don’t need any more tests to prove that.”

Hamid smiled softly and reached over to squeeze Zolf’s hand. “Me neither. It’s- it’s _newer_ for me, but-“ He locked eyes with Zolf. “I’m more sure of this than I’ve ever been of anything.”

Zolf smiled and something in his chest that felt like joy but couldn’t be, because he hadn’t felt that in years, bubbled up and came out in a laugh. “Um, so-“

“_Right,_” Hamid grinned and leaned back. “So, did I tell you Ismail set the furniture in the house on fire?”

“He _what?_” Zolf laughed. 

Their conversation carried on throughout the night and they didn’t leave the tavern until all the other guests were gone and the barkeep was giving them dirty looks.

On the walk back, Zolf relaxed as Hamid looped their arms together and leaned into his side, rambling on about his siblings.

When they got back to the house, they walked up the stairs and when they reached the landing, Hamid turned to Zolf and smiled at him. “I had an _amazing_ time tonight.”

“I did too,” Zolf grinned.

Hamid tilted his head and Zolf leaned down to meet him. Their previous kisses had been incredible, but somehow this kiss trumped them all. Zolf could have stayed kissing Hamid in the hallway forever, but there was a loud _screeeeeech_ and then an explosion downstairs and they jumped apart, eyes wide.

“It’s okay!” Cel called from out of sight. “Does anyone have a fire extinguisher I could borrow?”

Zolf and Hamid laughed together, then Zolf leaned his forehead down to press against Hamid’s. “Some things never change.”

Hamid smiled up at him. “We should really help them so they don’t burn down the house.”

“Yeah,” Zolf sighed. He leaned back in for a quick peck that made Hamid’s smile grow wider, then they ran down the stairs, hand in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for sticking with this story, y'all!! and for all your wonderful comments that make me smile <3

**Author's Note:**

> title from [Baby I'm a Fool by Melody Gardot](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qphknagXqA)


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